Benjamin Buford Fontaine III



Benjamin Buford Fontaine III, or BBF for short, is a wealthy Southern businessman with an eye for making money. Tony hates him and calls him "evil Colonel Sanders".

Characteristics of a BBF call include his drawling Southern accent, and repeated "YEEEEAS". He would often mention riding around his hot-air balloons and giving orders to his manservent Nigglesworth.

Philanthropy
In the beginning, BBF sought to purchase TonyTalk from Tony. Tony didn't budge. Annoyed, BBF hacked Tony's show, causing mayhem, with Rico and Jesco joining the fun. This stunt almost had Tony quit the show entirely until he finally wrestled control back.

Upset at being unable to acquire TonyTalk, BBF decided to enrich Tony's enemies:
 * Johnny Longfeather was getting a casino and cheeseburger emporium, which also had a facial surgery clinic.
 * Jesco acquired his local power company, now called Jesco White Power Company.
 * Kent Hopper received a large donation and got a cafe: Kent's Kool Kafe. Tony was not amused by the acronym.

For Rico, he had a music contract penned and certified. Rico's career as an All-American country musician could begin with earnest, with the songs previewed on TonyTalk (usually against Tony's will). However, Rico's foul language and repeated mention of dick-suck offended BBF, who cast Rico out. Rico got his revenge by spray-painting penises on BBF's luxury cars.

Nigglesworth
BBF has an manservent named Nigel F. Nigglesworth, whose name still perturbs Tony. Nigglesworth is a master butler, with skills in hacking, cleaning, gardening, flying aircraft, driving, playing guitar, being a bodyguard, a surgeon, and businessman. Nigglesworth and DCII have teamed up to work on Niggleribs, a restaurant for soul food and ribs.

Nigglesworth lives on BBF's property; specifically in a shack at the back of the plantation. When Ken was hiding from Tony Ferrar at BBF's compound he was bunk-mates with Nigglesworth. DCII yelled at BBF for having such poor living conditions for his manservant, to which Ben stated he was merely following Jesco's guide to living in the 1800s.

Nigglesworth is also a vampire hunter, armed and ready to defend his boss from Count Cockula. Despite the prepared vigilance, BBF still got dick-sucked by the gay vampire.

In mid-July 2020 Nigglesworth hired Willy Wong to lick and bang for brown hole. This stroke some as odd, considering BBF's strong Christian morals. Nigglesworth only paid $5 for the deed; such thriftiness he likely picked up from his boss.

Nigglesworth has yet to make an appearance on TonyTalk. Despite prompts to talk he stays firmly mute on-air.

Death
In August of 2019, BBF called Tony during a meal. The chicken, however, was under-cooked. BBF then proceeded to have a heart attack live on the air. Tony was hesitant to believe it until Jaybo got the confirmation: BBF had passed away.

Fontaine's funeral was craziness incarnate. DCII, Jaybo, and Alfonso gave eyewitness testimony to the insanity:
 * Johnny Longfeather was on stage, singing Ave Maria whilst urinating behind the casket.
 * Alfonso had passionate gay sex with Joseph Gibson by the fountain.
 * DCII's dog Mitch was drinking and smoking cigarettes as usual.
 * Kenneth Fishman took a shit in his helmet and wore it.

The craziest funeral anecdote was that Nigglesworth walked BBF's corpse into his mansion, which then exploded. Out from the dust emerged impersonators of BBF and Nigglesworth. Don has talked to them and has said that they are cool dudes.

Impersonator
A few shows after Tony's not-so-tearful BBF tribute show, the BBF impersonator called in. He introduced himself as Randolph Reginald Mantooth IV. Tony did not buy it and believes that BBF faked his death. Jesco figured that it might be BBF's brother.

Then a new caller carried the torch of Fontaine has called into the show. This person goes by the name of Niggleton Jones, a black man. His name offended Tony as much as Nigglesworth. However, Tony was not fooled by the impersonator and insists that the caller was BBF. It did not help that Niggleton plugged Fontaine Enterprises. Niggleton Jones is a pastor and a minister: a pinister. Kenneth Fishman denies ordaining Niggleton, whereas Don sticks up for his black brotha.

Even in death BBF continued to torment Tony.

Resurrection
BBF's soul went to Heaven, where he met Joshua Higgins and God. God stated that the world needed BBF and his products, so he sent Fontaine's soul back into his body; he was resurrected! Tony was not amused by this. BBF was so elated that he hopped in a hot air balloon and floated over to East Boston to meet and greet Tony. Once there, however, Count Cockula attacked BBF's dick with his mouth. Fontaine survived but was not impressed that Tony was doing a show with his undead unholy assailant as the guest.

When Fontaine died, all contracts with his business partners were rendered null and void. DCII still got his Niggleribs restaurant as Nigglesworth was more involved with that. As an apology to Johnny Longfeather, Fontaine sent him a helicopter. Johnny appreciated it but was afraid of flying as Kobe Bryant had recently passed away from a helicopter crash.

Business
Lately BBF has been acquiring various businesses. He acquired BlogTalkRadio and uses the platform to shill his merchandise. He acquired God's Rainbow Ministries from Ken and is now the host. He acquired Disney Theatrical Productions and offered Jaybo a $250m contract. It seems as if Ben is keen on buying up anything that will spite Tony. BBF was recently "persuaded" into entering a business deal with the one person he fears the most, Ashley. As part of his deal with Ashley, he has been providing funding for Ashley's circus, the Armbruster Netherworld Circus.

After Tony Ferrar trespassed on his Louisiana compound and kidnapped Kenneth Fishman, BBF hired El Deeko to track down Ken and rescue him.

To further his business empire, BBF founded Fontaine Enterprises Championship Wrestling (FECW). Enlisting help from his friends Jim Ross and Hulk Hogan, Fontaine and good ol' JR will be commenting on the matches and Grover Washington will be the referee. The card is as follows: More matches were scheduled and hyped but nothing more of FECW has aired on TonyTalk.
 * Tony Ferrar vs Alfonso in a Used Condom match; first to slam the opponent on the HIV-infected used condom wins. Alfonso won.
 * Joseph Gibson vs Doug in a Dildo on the Pole match; shove the dildo balls-deep up the opponent's ass to win. Gibson did not show up, so Doug won by default.
 * Ken Fishman vs Rico Martini in a Naked Cage for the Dick Suck title belt. Rico ran off, BBF ran in to interfere, then El Deeko appeared on the rafters, Grover ran away, and El Deeko slammed Ken and pinned him and counted the pin to declare himself the victor.

Ben has offered his lawyer services to Joseph Gibson concerning custody of his children. Gibson allegedly sent Ben nude images of himself and offers of sex as payment. Ben turned down the offer, leaving Gibby to fend for himself.

When Ken allegedly retired from Gods Rainbow Ministries in April 2021, Ben purchased the rights to the show. He then gifted GRM to Kent Hopper, making Kent in charge.

BBF ♥ Gina
Ben had recently acquired a new squeeze: Gina. Ben sent Tony an anonymous email concerning erectile dysfunction. This anonymity was shattered when he called TonyTalk and broached the subject matter. Despite it being hard for him to get hard, Gina enjoys Ben for who he is and not his money, as Tony has assumed were the case.

In early August 2020, BBF, accompanied by Nigglesworth and Gina, attended Johnny's casino cruise ship. However, Grover Washington the captain crashed the ship on an iceberg in the river. Women and children were given priority for the life boats. BBF disguised himself as a woman by stealing Gina's nightgown, and disguised Nigglesworth as a baby with a bib and a rattle, and the two of them fled in the hot air balloon, leaving Gina behind.

BBF is a cheap bastard: he gave his girlfriend Gina a maxed out credit card and avoided her calls. In late August 2020 she cornered Ben as he was calling TonyTalk for help and she assaulted him with her stiletto. Such abuse is reminiscent of Tony Ferrar abusing Ken.

To win her back, BBF approached Tony for some ideas for dirty talk. BBF later called Gina on air and anxiously lead up to his finisher: "I want to hit your sides! Boom boom!" Gina was disgusted and correctly assumed that he had been taking advice from "that cannoli guzzler". After she hung up BBF turned on Tony, accusing him of sabotaging him with bad advice. Tony was adamant that "hitting the sides" is a winner that always works with women.

BBF tried to win Gina back by singing Boyz II Men's song I'll Make Love to You. All went well until Tony farted. Gina appreciated the song but blamed Tony for his bowel movements ruining what would have been a beautiful moment.

In late September 2020 Gina announced she was pregnant. She was more angry at Tony for allegedly giving Ben the idea to knock her up rather than Ben for doing the deed. Ben had a duet with Sal in honor of Gina and their unborn child. Tony gave Ben props for effort but ripped into Sal for being 'unprofessional'.

BBF had been missing throughout October 2020 since impregnating Gina. In November 2020 he took his chance to record a new hit single about MaryLou. Rico, however, had been tracking Ben's movements, and led Gina to Ben in the middle of a recording session. Gina gave him a dick-kicking while Rico finished the song.

Ben returned for the Christmas 2020 show, seemingly recovered. He alleges that Gina is not pregnant and simply got fat from eating too many carbs. He also insinuated that she is having a fling with her gay Cuban friend.

For the 2021 Christmas season Ben got his sweetheart a gift a little early: Pandora's box. He had to go through a lot of channels to get the priceless object of Greek myth. Gina screamed at Ben to remove it from their house. Ben opened the box to peek inside, unleashing all the evils of humanity. Naturally Gina blamed Tony for allegedly giving Ben the idea.

Recently
In mid-April 2021 Ben employed DCII to be a journalist at Fontaine Enterprises News. Don's first assignment was to accompany him and Kent Hopper to the site of sinful debauchery: Ken's Easter Bash. Don and Ben arrived in the hot air balloon to be greeted to Dominguez baptizing children with his piss, empty bottles of anal lube and ball tunnel lube, dead bodies to be munged, Ken Ferrar sucking off a 150-man line, and Ken getting ass-pounded by Rico. The scene was so ungodly that Ben and Don fled from the scene. Ben sent the audio recording to Tony to be played on TonyTalk.

Gina gave birth to their daughter in June 2021. Ben spread the rumour that Tony had called his daughter baby an ugly mutant named Antebellum Whisky Fontaine. Gina took Ben's side and was not too pleased with Tony.

BBF boycotted TonyTalk by calling whilst flying inside Hurrican Ida. Tony was more bewildered than offended.

Tony had long suspected BBF of being a character portrayed by Jaybo. To troll Tony, Jaybo organised a video call with Tony as BBF. Jaybo got a friend of his who resembles BBF to appear on camera for a brief moment before switching off the camera so Jaybo can do BBF's voice. Thanks to this Tony can proudly declare that BBF is not Jaybo.

Fontaine Enterprises are the proud inventor of the pharte flute, which produces flatulent sounds when played. They also invented the Tony Gagazoo, a kazoo with similar properties. Ben is currently selling these musical instruments at swap meets and car parking lots.