Benjamin Buford Fontaine III



Benjamin Buford Fontaine III, or BBF for short, is a wealthy Southern businessman with an eye for making money. Tony hates him and calls him "evil Colonel Sanders".

Characteristics of a BBF call include his drawling Southern accent, and repeated "YEEEEAS". He would often mention riding around his hot-air balloons and giving orders to his manservent Nigglesworth.

Philanthropy
In the beginning, BBF sought to purchase TonyTalk from Tony. Tony didn't budge. Annoyed, BBF hacked Tony's show, causing mayhem, with Rico and Jesco joining the fun. This stunt almost had Tony quit the show entirely until he finally wrestled control back.

Upset at being unable to acquire TonyTalk, BBF decided to enrich Tony's enemies:
 * Johnny Longfeather was getting a casino and cheeseburger emporium, which also had a facial surgery clinic.
 * Jesco acquired his local power company, now called Jesco White Power Company.
 * Kent Hopper received a large donation and got a cafe: Kent's Kool Kafe. Tony was not amused by the acronym.

For Rico, he had a music contract penned and certified. Rico's career as an All-American country musician could begin with earnest, with the songs previewed on TonyTalk (usually against Tony's will). However, Rico's foul language and repeated mention of dick-suck offended BBF, who cast Rico out. Rico got his revenge by spray-painting penises on BBF's luxury cars.

Nigglesworth
BBF has an manservent named Nigel F. Nigglesworth, whose name still perturbs Tony. Nigglesworth is a master butler, with skills in hacking, cleaning, gardening, flying aircraft, driving, guitarist, bodyguard, surgeon, and businessman. Nigglesworth and DCII have teamed up to work on Niggleribs, a restaurant for soul food and ribs.

Nigglesworth is also a vampire hunter, armed and ready to defend his boss from Count Cockula. Despite the prepared vigilance, BBF still got dick-sucked by the gay vampire.

Nigglesworth has yet to make an appearance on TonyTalk. Despite prompts to talk he stays firmly mute on-air.

Death
In August of 2019, BBF called Tony during a meal. The chicken, however, was under-cooked. BBF then proceeded to have a heart attack live on the air. Tony was hesitant to believe it until Jaybo got the confirmation: BBF had passed away.

Fontaine's funeral was craziness incarnate. DCII, Jaybo, and Alfonso gave eyewitness testimony to the insanity:
 * Johnny Longfeather was on stage, singing Ave Maria whilst urinating behind the casket.
 * Alfonso had passionate gay sex with Joseph Gibson by the fountain.
 * DCII's dog Mitch was drinking and smoking cigarettes as usual.
 * Kenneth Fishman took a shit in his helmet and wore it.

The craziest funeral anecdote was that Nigglesworth walked BBF's corpse into his mansion, which then exploded. Out from the dust emerged impersonators of BBF and Nigglesworth. Don has talked to them and has said that they are cool dudes.

Impersonator
A few shows after Tony's not-so-tearful BBF tribute show, the BBF impersonator called in. He introduced himself as Randolph Reginald Mantooth IV. Tony did not buy it and believes that BBF faked his death. Jesco figured that it might be BBF's brother.

Recently a new caller carrying the torch of Fontaine has called into the show. This person goes by the name of Niggleton Jones, a black man. His name offended Tony as much as Nigglesworth. However, Tony was not fooled by the impersonator and insists that the caller was BBF. It did not help that Niggleton plugged Fontaine Enterprises. Niggleton Jones is a pastor and a minister: a pinister. Kenneth Fishman denies ordaining Niggleton, whereas Don sticks up for his black brotha.

Even in death BBF continues to torment Tony.

Resurrection
BBF's soul went to Heaven, where he met Joshua Higgins and God. God stated that the world needed BBF and his products, so he sent Fontaine's soul back into his body; he was resurrected! Tony was not amused by this. BBF was so elated that he hopped in a hot air balloon and floated over to East Boston to meet and greet Tony. Once there, however, Count Cockula attacked BBF's dick with his mouth. Fontaine survived but was not impressed that Tony was doing a show with his undead unholy assailant as the guest.

When Fontaine died, all contracts with his business partners were rendered null and void. DCII is still getting his Niggleribs restaurant as Nigglesworth is more involved with that. As an apology to Johnny Longfeather, Fontaine sent him a helicopter. Johnny appreciated it but was afraid of flying as Kobe Bryant had recently passed away from a helicopter crash.

Recently
Lately BBF has been acquiring various businesses. He acquired BlogTalkRadio and uses the platform to shill his merchandise. He acquired God's Rainbow Ministries from Ken and is now the host. He acquired Disney Theatrical Productions and offered Jaybo a $250m contract. It seems as if Ben is keen on buying up anything that will spite Tony. BBF was recently "persuaded" into entering a business deal with the one person he fears the most, Ashley. As part of his deal with Ashley, he has been providing funding for Ashley's circus, the Armbruster Nightmare Circus & CarnEvil.

After Tony Ferrar trespassed on his Louisiana compound and kidnapped Kenneth Fishman, BBF hired El Deeko to track down Ken and rescue him.

To further his business empire, BBF founded Fontaine Championship Wrestling. Enlisting help from his friends Jim Ross and Hulk Hogan, Fontaine and good ol' JR will be commenting on the matches and Grover Washington will be the referee. The card is as follows:
 * Tony Ferrar vs Alfonso in a Used Condom match; first to slam the opponent on the HIV-infected used condom wins.
 * Joseph Gibson vs Doug in a Dildo on the Pole match; shove the dildo balls-deep up the opponent's ass to win.
 * Ken Fishman vs Rico Martini in a singles match for the Dick Suck belt.